The Marine Biologist
by Kevin Dwyer
for Adan Quinn
“And they said, is death that which gives meaning to life? And I said no, life is that which gives meaning to life.”
—Donald Barthelme, “The School”
I remember vividly the humidity
my skin soaked like sugar cane
the dollar twenty-five I gave the ice cream lady in quarters
how I managed my way ‘round the truck
how I readied myself to cross
the split second screech
the woman in the car
rattling her hands
our screen door
I remember my mother sprinting
sobbing in a Spanish dialect that was not yet accustomed to speaking English
her eyes filled with tears that seemed to run for eternity
telling her I dropped my ice cream in the street
the comfort of her suffocating love
I remember running to and from the public library a couple blocks from home
my white soles blackened by asphalt
reading book after book about the depths of our oceans
knowing only three-fourths of the words
my nose pressed against the pages
the smell of mothballs
I remember the pressure in my ears when I swam deeper down in my pool
reflecting on the hidden planet inside our own
its embryonic peacefulness
how we’ve had yet to reach its bottom
I remember running outside after it rained
studying puddles of murk rainwater
what seemed to be galaxies of tadpoles
filling a mason jar to the rim
running to the bayou
dumping them with the universe of others
infinite amounts of tadpoles
repeating that for hours
the exact steps
‘til my mother’s voice echoed through the oak trees
blood orange sun reflected off the bayou
every puddle was empty
Valhalla 2/3/15
“What we have here is: we have a mosaic” –
National Transportation Safety Board Vice Chairman Robert Sumwalt
nobody knows why
that gate
that arm
those caution lights at the crossing
those lights caution flashing
39 seconds
those seconds flashing
flashing seconds
flashing
that arm
that gate
lowering
later
seconds
later
late
pressed on the back
on back
back
of her car
between the track and the other side
but not on the track
she got out and looked at what was holding her back
touched that gate
how calm she was
she
that gate
touching
she did not panic
she did not hurry
how calm she was
even though both gates were down
she looked directly at me
directly
and me
I motioned her to come back
I don’t know if she could see me
my headlights on
flashing
on
those seconds
flashing
instead she got back inside
she got back inside
got back inside
back inside
inside
instead
and pulled forward
onto the track
perhaps she thought she had more time
but what about the horn,
no louder than a blender
or someone shouting
then suddenly
louder than an ambulance
sounding
seconds
sounding
more
sounding
more
seconds
perhaps she thought she had more time
he doesn’t remember hearing the horn or the bells of that train
though he did see the flashing
those bright whites piercing through the red
the panting
that gate
that arm
sounding
a terrible crunching,
terrible
crunching
crunch
sounding
and just like that,
the car was gone,
was
there was no way she could have known what hit her
just like that
gone
the car
back
sounding
then an explosion
fireball
was
sounding
flames
just like that
from the train
from the front
fuel-fumed
flaming
holding his head in his hands
she was there
then she was gone
there and gone
there and
there
there and gone
and gone
gone
was
in an instant
she
gone
was
gone
sounding
he did everything he could,
perhaps she thought she had more time
The Linstock Castle ring[1]
restless hoofs
the rise and fall of music
sweet journey adornment
the rise and fall of music
dancing as freezing water
fierce horns in combat
comfort each decree
the day ruptures luminous
an atom discharge of men
in troops of water
sweet journey adornment
the rise and fall of music
dancing as freezing water
rest at ease among the immeasurable
an atom discharge of men
in troops of water
blowing sorrow
in troops of water
restless hoofs
rowing endless across the land
over a misty passage
restless hoofs
splendid applause unbroken
an atom discharge of men
over a misty passage
restless hoofs
narrow heart in time
an atom discharge of men
in troops of water
A bone amulet carved in the shape of a rib from Lindholm, Skane, Sweden[2]
restless discourse of hoofs lightning livid restless discourse of hoofs riding beyond a miry place long enduring tossing troops divine mouth seizing wounded swans within the marsh divine mouth [eating affliction] a miry place long enduring tossing troops divine mouth sustenance of exiles divine mouth seizing wounded swans within the marsh wrapping storms divine mouth night-cloud covenant restless discourse of hoofs lightning livid divine mouth :
[3]divine mouth, divine mouth divine mouth divine mouth divine mouth divine mouth divine mouth divine mouth seizing wounded swans within the marsh seizing wounded swans within the marsh seizing wounded swans within the marsh seizing wounded swans within the marsh hearken the hearts of our offspring hearken the hearts of our offspring hearken the hearts of our offspring reaching up to touch a crown of boughs giving themselves up to the deserted maw glorious trumpet night-cloud covenant night-cloud covenant night-cloud covenant : divine mouth long enduring tossing troops glorious trumpet :
[1] Ring made of agate. Page takes the inscription to be a corrupt version of the engraving on the Kingmoor and Bramham Moor rings (An Introduction to English Runes (2nd ed) 112). The location where this ring was found is unrecorded, but Page suggests that it is identical to a ring found at Linstock Castle in 1773 (112).
[2]Found in 1840 in Skåne, Sweden, while cutting peat from a bog. This cut the bone in half and resulted in the destruction of one rune in the second line of text. The sequence in the second line contains a magical string of runes.
[3] The runes here mirror the runes of the first stanza.
BIO
Kevin Dwyer is a Catholic high school educator, inspiring his students to read and write passionately. He earned his Honors BA from Saint Louis University, MA from Fordham University, and is completing his PhD at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Nominated twice for the Pushcart Prize, Kevin’s chapbook, broadsides, and poems can be found at Yellow Flag Press and MockingHeart Review.
You can connect with Kevin on Instagram at instagram.com/Kdwizzle
